Can emotion regulation release bad emotions?

There is no absolute right or wrong about this issue. Reasonable venting in the field of emotional regulation can indeed quickly relieve bad emotions, but if the wrong method is used, it will increase the emotional burden and even cause new conflicts.

When I first came into contact with emotional counseling in the early years, I particularly agreed with the "emotional hydraulic model" in psychology - negative emotions are like floods blocked in a dam. If there is too much, the dam will burst one day. It is a safe way to open the gate appropriately to release the flood. At that time, I met a boy who was in To B sales. His performance was suppressed by his customers for three consecutive months. He didn’t even dare to take annual leave. He struggled to the point where he couldn’t eat for a week. He went to the hospital for a check-up and found out that he had a mild autonomic disorder. Later, he was advised to go to the uninhabited area of ​​​​a country park to shout for 10 minutes every week, and then ride along the greenway for an hour. After less than a month, he felt relieved. He said that every time he shouted, he felt as if the stone stuck in his chest floated away with the sound, which was much more useful than smoking at home.

But after handling many cases, I also discovered that many people’s understanding of “catharsis” has gone astray, and instead turned a good thing into a bad thing. Last month, a girl came to me and said that every time she quarreled with her boyfriend, she would throw things. After throwing small things and big ones, she felt really good at the moment. But when she saw the cosmetics and keyboards shattered on the floor, she turned around and felt heartbroken. She also had to clean up the mess. Sometimes she broke up because she broke things that the other party cared about. What was originally just a small emotion of a quarrel ended up with a bunch of new negative emotions such as guilt and regret, which made it even more uncomfortable. There are also many people who like to complain to their friends. They will complain for two or three hours, talking about the bad thing over and over again, and their friends will scold them together. The things that were already about to be turned over become more and more wronged as they talk about it. In the end, they are so angry that they can't sleep all night. It is equivalent to digging through the garbage that was originally meant to be taken out, and the smell lingers around them for a long time.

In fact, in the past few years, the psychology community has been revising the saying that "catharsis is omnipotent". This does not mean that catharsis is useless, but that you need to find the right posture. Just like when I usually encounter something unpleasant, I either go to the boxing gym and shoot bubble targets for half an hour, or I find a place where no one is around to record my grievances and then delete them. This will neither hurt others nor leave any sequelae. The moment I finish the fight or finish speaking, I feel that the energy I am holding has dissipated. If you need to hurt yourself or offend others to feel good when venting, then this kind of venting is essentially passing on the cost of your emotions to others, and the subsequent troubles will only be more troublesome than your current bad mood.

After all, emotional regulation is a very personal matter. Some people can get better by crying, some people have to go for a five-kilometer run, and some people just need to sit down and figure things out before they feel comfortable. Venting is just one of the optional methods. You will know if it works or not after you try it once. Just don't trap yourself in an endless loop of bad emotions just to "vent".