Methods to relieve depression and anxiety

First stop attacking yourself against negative emotions, and then use small, low-threshold actions to gradually rebuild your sense of control over your life. If symptoms meet clinical diagnostic criteria, the first priority is to seek formal medical intervention. There is no one-size-fits-all solution for everyone. Finding the one that is easy for you to do is the best.

Harm is easy to say. The first reaction of people who are really stuck in emotions is often to scold themselves: "I can't handle this, why am I so fragile?" The Internet operation Xiao Zhou who came to me for consultation last month said that after working overtime for three consecutive weeks, he didn't even have the energy to get up and brush his teeth. The first thing he said when he sat down was "I'm sorry, am I being too pretentious and wasting your time?" In fact, it is completely unnecessary. Negative emotions are like the sprinkler truck passing by your house. You don’t have to chase it and scold it for splashing water all over you. You don’t have to force yourself to open your hands to welcome it. Just stand on the roadside and hide, don’t collide with it. Consultants from both the cognitive behavioral school and the psychodynamic school agree on this: self-attacks on emotions are more than 10 times more lethal than the emotions themselves.

Don’t force yourself to get better immediately, and don’t believe the nonsense on the Internet about “do these 5 things every day to get rid of depression.” It’s really hard enough to even get out of bed. If you ask him to get up and run three kilometers, you might as well ask him to sit up and touch the doll on the bedside. I once had a client who was a senior in college. He lay down for three days without eating during a depressive episode. The only task I gave him was to sit up and touch the succulent by the window every day. He didn’t need to water it and didn’t care whether it was alive or not. Just touch it. He persisted for five days, and later told me that when he was touching the succulent, he suddenly noticed a dewdrop on the leaf, which was very beautiful. He sat up and drank a glass of warm milk that day. You see, there is no need for any "meaningful event". Even if you squat downstairs and count ants for 10 minutes, as long as your attention is on specific things at the moment, it will be much more useful than lying down and reading "how to relieve anxiety" posts for three hours.

Oh, by the way, don’t think that mindfulness meditation is the only “serious” way to relax. I have seen many people’s minds become more confused as soon as they sit down to meditate, and all kinds of bad things come to mind, making them more and more annoyed the longer they sit. At this time, don’t force yourself to breathe along with the audio. Go to the kitchen to wash two dishes. The touch of the water rushing over your hands, the slippery feeling of the detergent bubbles, and the crisp sound of the edge of the bowl when wiping the dishes are essentially the same effect as mindfulness - they all bring you back to the present moment from your chaotic thoughts. I do this when I take on too many cases and feel anxious. It’s much more effective than sitting there and meditating for half an hour.

There has been a lot of controversy about whether to take medicine. I will only talk about objective data here: a 2023 survey by the WHO showed that 72% of patients with moderate to severe depression and anxiety who received standard drug treatment combined with psychological intervention could achieve significant improvement in symptoms within 3-6 months. Many people worry about the side effects of taking medicines. In fact, compared with the irreversible damage to the brain and cardiovascular caused by long-term emotional abnormalities, the impact of side effects of medicines is minimal. Of course, it doesn’t mean that you should run to the hospital whenever you feel emotional. If you are just under a lot of stress in the past week and feel a little irritable, you can relieve it by adjusting your schedule and going out for a walk more often. However, if you can’t sleep well or eat well for more than two consecutive weeks, you won’t be able to do all the things you liked before, even occasionally. If you have thoughts of committing suicide, don’t hold on. There is really no shame in going to the psychiatric department of a tertiary hospital. I know a colleague who has been doing counseling for 7 years. He had a depression last year and still took medicine as prescribed by the doctor. This is very normal, and it is the same as taking medicine for colds and fevers.

As for the issue of talking, previous social psychology research has shown that repeatedly complaining about negative emotions to friends will strengthen your memory of unpleasant experiences and increase your emotional burden. Many people also say that you feel relieved instantly when you talk about what is on your mind. This really depends on the individual. If you feel comfortable after saying it, then say it. If you are afraid of bothering your friends, or if you think about it and feel more and more wronged after saying it, then buy a good-looking notebook and write it down, or read it in a voice memo on your phone and delete it directly after you say it. The effect is the same.

To be honest, after doing emotional intervention for so long, the most annoying sentence I hear is "You can just be more open-minded." Depression and anxiety are never about "can't think about it". It may be that your brain does not secrete enough serotonin, it may be that you have accumulated three to five years of stress and there is no place to vent it, or it may be that you have just been too tired recently. You don’t need to compare your recovery speed with others, and you don’t need to force yourself to immediately become a “sunny and cheerful” person in everyone’s eyes. Even if you only eat one more bite of your favorite cake and spend three more minutes in the sun today than yesterday, you are already great.

Oh yes, one last thing: Don’t watch too many short videos of “other people’s healing lives”. If you watch others working out every day, arranging flowers, traveling, and having a peaceful time, you will only become more anxious about why you can’t do anything well. It’s better to turn off the app and just slump on the sofa and pick your feet than watching those.