The secret of self-healing methods

First, accurately match your personality traits and current emotional state, and then choose the corresponding implementation tools. What is suitable for others may have side effects on you.

Believe it or not, last year I met a girl who worked as a user operator in a large factory. For three months in a row, her KPIs were so high that she would feel flustered every day when she opened her eyes. People on the Internet said that mindfulness meditation can cure anxiety. She followed it for a week, not to mention calm. Every time she sat for 5 minutes, her mind was filled with unanswered work messages and unfinished activity plans. The more she sat, the more irritable she became, and in the end it worsened her insomnia. Later, she thought about it on her own and moved the express box that she had saved for more than half a month to the open space downstairs. She stepped on it and tore it apart. After struggling for half an hour, she broke out in a sweat. She went home and fell asleep. When she woke up the next day, she felt that the breath that had been blocked in her chest for a long time had been relieved. She later gave this method to her colleagues in the same department. Some people used it, but others felt that tearing the box was too dirty. Instead, they preferred to play squash for half an hour after get off work, and the effect was the same.

I later talked about this matter with psychological practitioners from different schools. Everyone’s opinions were completely different, but each had their own reasons. Friends who work in psychodynamics said that the process of this girl tearing up the express delivery was to release the subconscious anger that she did not dare to express to her boss and the frustration that she did not dare to admit to herself through the action of tearing the box. Her emotions originally needed an outlet, and mindfulness required her to "be aware of her thoughts, not judge, and bring her back to the present moment." After hearing this, my friend who is doing cognitive behavior waved her hand and said that there is no need to go that far. The essence is that when she is mindful, she just sits there and her mind is constantly ruminating. She starts to move when she tears the express. The action just interrupts the rumination. If you ask her to run two laps, the effect will be the same. Teachers who practice somatic therapy are more direct. They say that when a person is stressed, the muscles all over the body are tight. When tearing things, clenching fists and exerting force is equivalent to loosening the tense nerves. When the body is relaxed, the emotions will naturally calm down.

You see, the same thing has completely different interpretations from different professional perspectives. There is naturally no right or wrong in the corresponding methods, only whether they are suitable or not. I also have a deep understanding of it. When I first started working as an independent consultant two years ago, I received a lot of trauma cases. I was often stuck in the emotions of visiting people after work. My colleagues suggested that I write an emotional diary to review and sort out the content of countertransference. I wrote it twice, and the more I wrote, the more I felt aggrieved. I felt that I had been involved in a case, which made my internal friction more serious. Later, I simply stopped writing. I found an empty stairwell and sang "Qinghai-Tibet Plateau" off-key for half an hour. I shouted until my voice became hoarse. Then I turned around and had a spicy hot pot meal. I slept very soundly that night. Later I learned that this seemingly "unprofessional" method is actually a form of emotional release, and there is no need to follow the textbook.

Speaking of this, some people must ask, how do I know which method is suitable for me at the moment? In fact, you don’t need to memorize so many complicated standards, you can just touch your current status. If your mind is as messy as a ball of wool that has been picked out by a cat, and all kinds of thoughts are flying around when you calm down, don't use methods that require using your brain. Put aside diary writing, review, and self-analysis, and just move your body. Go for a walk downstairs twice, play with the neighbor's cat for half an hour, or even squat in the kitchen kneading dough for half an hour. With your hands busy, your mind will naturally be empty, and those chaotic thoughts will disappear on their own without you having to catch them. If your chest is clogged and you always feel like you can't swallow and have unsaid words, don't force yourself to be "generous" or "sensible". Find a place where no one is around and say all the things you want to curse in front of an empty cup, or use a marker to scribble on waste paper and throw it directly into the trash can. It's 10 times more effective than holding your breath and telling yourself to "accept it." Of course there are exceptions. I once had a friend who didn't want to move or talk when he was anxious. He just sat there playing with Lego for two hours. After building a small ornament, his mood also calmed down. What genre do you think this belongs to? I feel like it doesn’t belong to anything, as long as it’s useful.

Oh, by the way, here’s something that many people don’t like to hear: Nowadays, it is always said on the Internet that “accepting negative emotions is the real healing.” Some people even accuse those who watch funny videos and eat delicious food when they are unhappy as “escape from emotions.” I think it is unnecessary. An old counselor I know who has been in the industry for 20 years said that when your emotions are about to collapse, you should first find a soft landing. You have just been scolded by your boss, and you don't want to think about how to digest your emotions. You have to sit there and analyze "What did I do wrong just now?" "Why am I so useless?" This is not called healing, this is called self-PUA. First, read cat pictures for 10 minutes and smile. First, have a cup of iced milk tea to sweeten it. First, give yourself a step to calm down. Wait until your mood stabilizes before thinking about things. It is not shameful at all, nor is it an escape. Instead, it is the most practical care for yourself.

In fact, any talk of "big reveal" is all bluffing. There is no standard answer to the matter of self-healing, and there is no distinction between high and low. You don’t need to think that those who use mindfulness are superior to those who tear up express delivery, and you don’t need to blame yourself for being too pretentious just because others use useful methods that don’t work for you. To put it bluntly, whatever makes you feel comfortable is the best way. After all, the original purpose of healing ourselves is to make ourselves feel better, not to meet some "correct healing standard", right?